


Love In The Stitches

by aitomation



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: ADHD Alana, Autistic Jared, Getting Together, Healthy Sibling Relationships, Knitting, M/M, Mania (mentioned), Meddling, Minor scheming, Mutual Pining, Pining, Presents, connor is a Gay Disaster, friends teaching friends how to knit, jared is a Gay Disaster, learning to knit, presents for presents sake, short hair connor, theyre Trying, vegan connor, vegan murphys, vegan zoe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-03
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2019-03-13 00:34:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13558908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aitomation/pseuds/aitomation
Summary: Jared wants to do something nice to make Connor feel better after he cuts his hair short while manic. He enlists Evan's help to learn to knit, and it gets a little out of hand.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> >:3c

Jared immediately knew something was off when he saw Connor that morning. He was hunched over, walking fast, and he didn’t even look up when Alana greeted him. The hood of his old hoodie was pulled tight around his face. Jared wondered what could’ve happened. Connor seemed fine during school yesterday; he hadn’t called any of them in the middle of the night. Evan stopped in the middle of his sentence.

“Jared? What’s up?” Jared had zoned out, leaning against the locker bank next to Evan. He turned sharply, his eyes widening a little.

“Sorry, I spaced out. What did you say?”

“Are you okay?” Evan shut his locker and tugged on the lock two extra times, just to make sure it was secure. Jared scoffed.

“You should be asking if Connor’s okay. Did you see him practically _run_ to class?” Evan glanced down the hallway.

“Connor?” Jared nodded. They started walking to their first class, English-the only one they had together before lunch. They didn’t say anything else, but Jared could tell Evan was worrying. Jared wasn’t doing too much better. He couldn’t focus through the whole lesson, and when he and Evan parted ways for their next classes, he stopped at the library to try and clear his head.

Jared tucked himself into the corner hidden between the Reference section and the broken vending machine. He pulled out his phone and sent Connor a text. It took him a few minutes to figure out the right wording. He jumped when the warning bell sounded. Connor responded almost immediately, with a string of the middle finger emoji. Jared sighed-that meant Connor was skipping class. Jared thought for a minute, as the late bell echoed through the empty halls. He sighed again.

‘ _meet me @ the tree??_ ’ he sent, before pulling himself up to sneak out of the building.

“The Tree” was actually a tree stump, probably six feet across, hidden behind brush and undergrowth in the middle of the small patch of woods behind the gym. Evan and Connor had first started hanging out there, when they were both having a Bad day and just so happened to escape to the same place. Now, the whole group used The Tree as a sort of meeting place. It was conveniently close to the school, but completely invisible to anyone who didn’t know where it was. Jared didn’t really get the appeal at first; but Connor loved it, so it kind of grew on him.

When Jared got to The Tree, Connor was already there, pacing angrily. His head was down, hood up, hands shoved in his pockets. Jared cleared his throat quietly. Connor stopped abruptly, his head snapping up to look at Jared.

The first thing Jared noticed was that he could clearly see both of Connor’s eyes. Usually, one was hiding behind a thin curtain of his hair. Today, Jared could plainly see the electric blue, cut into by a spot of brown, practically glowing from under the shade of Connor’s hood. He swallowed thickly.

“What’s up?” he asked lamely. Connor snorted, and sat heavily on the stump. His leg started bouncing anxiously. Jared took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

“Did something happen?” He stayed standing across the small clearing. He wasn’t sure if Connor needed space, but he figured it wouldn’t hurt.

“Got detention, but that’s not new,” he huffed.

“What for? It’s only second period.”

“Wouldn’t take my hood off.” Jared felt the challenge in Connor’s tone. He nodded to himself and crossed to sit at Connor’s side. He leaned into Connor’s side, making himself a warm, grounding presence.

“Why not?” Connor exhaled sharply. He mumbled something into his hoodie. Jared chuckled lightly.

“Didn’t quite catch that, compadre.” A beat. Jared sat patiently, picking at his bracelet.

“I cut all my hair off,” Connor practically whispered. Jared’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. Connor _loved_ his hair. He continued, “I was all itchy, last night, and I just. I didn’t know what to do. I wasn’t really thinking, at the time. It looks really bad.”

“I bet it doesn’t look _that_ bad,” Jared said without thinking. He flinched a little and tried to correct himself. “I mean, even if it does, it’s okay. It’ll grow back.” Connor deflated at his side.

“I hate it.” Jared wrapped his arm around Connor and squeezed lightly.

“That’s okay. You’ll just have to figure out a way around the ‘no hats or hoods’ rule.” Jared laughed as he got an idea. “How do you feel about going hipster for a while?”

 

“Evan you gotta teach me how to knit,” Jared announced as he plopped into the seat across from Evan at their lunch table. Evan looked up, halfway through chewing a bite of his sandwich.

“Why?” he asked once he finished swallowing. Jared glanced behind himself, eyeing Connor in the lunch line. Evan followed his line of sight and tried valiantly to quiet his gasp.

“What happened to his hair?” he whispered urgently. Jared leaned forward conspiratorially.

“He cut it all off last night. Totally hates it. Teach me how to knit.” Evan’s eyes were still locked on Connor, who was messing self-consciously with the old beanie Jared had loaned him. Most of his little curls were peeking out from under it. Evan turned back to Jared. He stared hard for a minute, unblinking, before Jared broke.

“I wanna make him one,” Jared admitted. He blushed, blotches of pink coloring his cheeks and the tips of his ears. Evan smiled mischievously.

“I can teach you.” He picked up his sandwich again. “This weekend?” Jared grinned wide.

“Yes, yeah, that’d be great. Thanks, Evie!” Evan choked a little on the bite he’d just taken.

“Jared!”

 

 

That weekend couldn’t come fast enough. Connor had taken to pinning the beanie on; otherwise it would fall off when he did anything more difficult than walking. He still didn’t want to talk about it, under any circumstances. Alana had tried to compliment him on the look one lunch period, but Connor wouldn’t stop making exaggerated choking noises over her. She had just huffed and thrown a handful of popcorn at him. Jared thought it was a good look, but he also kind of missed Connor’s long hair. It was like his _thing_ now-it was weird to see him without it.

Jared bounced in his seat on the short drive to Evan’s. He was excited to be able to make something for Connor, but he was also excited to hang out with Evan. They hadn’t really hung out, just the two of them, since the group got together. Jared didn’t want to think about how long it had been before then.

As he pulled up to the Hansen house, Jared could see Evan watering his plants through the front window. Jared smiled to himself. Evan’s plant collection had started as one desk succulent, a gift from Zoe-something to keep him going when he didn’t want to. It had quickly grown to cover his entire windowsill and most of his dresser, before it started spilling to the rest of the house. Heidi loved them, and frequently complimented Evan on how well they brightened up the house.

There were a few plants hanging off the front porch that Jared had to duck around to knock on the door. Evan answered almost immediately, not-so-subtly wiping his hands on the front of his apron. Jared smiled wider.

“Hey.” Jared waved. Evan smiled shyly and waved back.

“Hi.” He stepped to the side to let Jared in the house. Jared toed his shoes off on the mat next to the door and darted for the loveseat. It was the softest surface in Evan’s living room and Jared _loved_ it. Evan laughed quietly and trailed behind him, shutting the door gently.

Sunlight was streaming through the open curtains, warming the whole room. Evan had laid out a bunch of supplies on the coffee table. He sat cross-legged on the couch and launched right into his explanations. He went through all the terms, types of yarn, and different stitches. Jared nodded along, trying to commit everything to memory. Evan modeled how to hold the needles and helped Jared as he struggled to cast on a few stitches.

“We’re gonna start with, with just. Um, like, practice squares.” He fixed Jared’s grip on the left needle. “Then, wh-when you’ve got the hang-” he cut himself with a chuckle, “the hang of that. We’ll purl. The squares.” Jared groaned.

 

Three hours later, Jared whooped as he successfully completed a mostly even square, alternating rows of knit and purl. He smiled excitedly at Evan, bouncing in his chair. Evan chuckled and gave Jared a small round of applause. Jared rolled his eyes.

“I did it, Evan,” he said emphatically.

“I know. I’m proud of you,” Evan said sincerely. Then his smile turned mischievous and he said, “Do you want me to teach you to knit in the round today, or do you want to put that off for now?” Jared flipped him off. Evan laughed.

“Let’s take a break now,” Jared suggested, already heading to the kitchen. Evan climbed off the couch and leisurely followed. He leaned against the kitchen’s entryway. Jared was digging through the cabinets like he owned the place. Evan smirked.

“Yo-you know there’s like, nothing in there.” Jared resolutely ignored him. Evan crossed the short distance to the table in the middle of the room. He plopped down in one of the chairs, leaning his head in both hands. Jared suddenly yelled in triumph. Evan jumped. Jared turned around, holding an old Ziploc bag full of candy and grinning maniacally.

“Please check the expiration date before you eat that. You could get, like, like scurvy, or something.” Jared scoffed.

“Candy doesn’t go bad.” Evan looked at him for a minute, trying to tell if he was serious. Jared looked back, completely serious. Evan shook his head, chuckling.

“Oh, my God.”

“Fuck you!” Jared squawked. “Show me how to do this, this circle thing-y, you asshole!”

 

 

When Connor walked into school on Monday, he was immediately suspicious. Jared was leaning casually against Connor’s locker, looking more nervous than Evan the last time he had to give an oral presentation. Jared never looked nervous, and a quick glance around the hallway revealed Alana and Zoe at either end-blocking the exits. Connor narrowed his eyes. He cautiously approached his locker.

“Hey,” he said quietly. Jared jumped and whipped around to face him. His eyes were wide and he was blushing hard, blotchy red covering his face.

“Hey, Connor. Fancy seeing you here on this fine day.” He was talking too loud. Connor glared at him.

“Did I do something?” He pushed Jared away from his locker so he could open it. Jared stumbled a few steps. He just stood there for a second, as Connor angrily rummaged through his locker. Finally, he yanked his backpack off and unzipped it. He pulled something out of it, hesitated, then tapped Connor gently on the arm. Connor took a deep breath. He released his white-knuckled grip on his locker door and turned his head toward Jared.

“What?” he snapped. Jared thrust the thing in his hands forward. Connor startled a little, struggling to catch whatever it was before it fell to the floor. As soon as he let go of it, Jared bolted down the hallway. He skidded past Alana, who looked after him, shocked, before also tearing down the hallway.

Connor stood in front of his open locker, bewildered. He finally looked at the thing in his hands. Very gently, he unfolded the black fabric to find a carefully-made beanie with a paper note safety pinned to it. He unfolded the little note. It read, written in Jared’s unmistakable looping chicken-scratch, ‘I thought you might want one that matches your aesthetic.’ It was written in glittery purple ink and signed with a heart. Connor felt his face heat up. Jared _hand-made_ him a beanie. Jared hand-made _him_ a beanie.

Connor could see Zoe coming toward him in his peripheral vision. He whipped around and yanked Jared’s beanie off his head. He used the bobby pins already in his hair and the mirror he’d put on his locker door to situate the new beanie over his hair. When he had everything together, he put Jared’s beanie in his bag. Slowly, he closed and locked his locker and turned toward his sister.

She was smiling knowingly. Connor scowled at her. He turned and started heading down the hallway to his next class. Zoe fell into step beside him, but didn’t say anything. Connor could tell she was still making that face at him though.

As they passed a huge trophy case in the hallway, Connor caught his reflection in the glass. He stopped walking for a beat, almost tripping over himself. He looked at the beanie again, turning his head side to side. Zoe giggled a little, under her breath. Connor turned his head toward her, then back to his reflection. He stared intensely at himself, and his present. He chuckled quietly, shaking his head gently, and kept walking.

 

Lunch was 25 minutes of Evan, Alana, and Zoe mercilessly teasing Jared for his horrible attempt at gifting Connor the beanie. Jared’s face was beet red, from his ears down to his neck. Alana laughed, patting his hand.

“I can’t believe you just took off like that. You’re faster than you look.”

“Gee, thanks, Lonnie.” Jared grumbled. He wasn’t really eating his food-he was mostly glaring at it and occasionally shoving something with his spork.

“You know she doesn’t mean it like that,” Zoe said through a mouthful of Sun Chips. She giggled to herself. “If it makes you feel any better, he loves it.” Jared buried his face in his hands, pushing his glasses onto his forehead. He looked up at Zoe through his fingers.

“Does he?” She nodded seriously.

“Oh, yeah, definitely. He keeps looking at it in mirrors ’n shit, smiling like a dope.” Jared smiled at that, hiding behind his hands again. Evan snorted. He crumpled his napkin and threw it at Jared’s head. Jared squawked in offense, batting uselessly at the assault.

“You. Are com-totally hopeless, Jared.”

“I know,” Jared groaned. He pouted as his friends laughed at him, but he couldn’t keep a little smile off his face.

 

At the end of the school day, Zoe saw Connor smiling to himself as he leaned against his truck with a cigarette between his fingers. He put out the cigarette when he saw her approach, but the smile stayed on his face. Zoe hid her own smile the entire drive home. She didn’t want to spoil Connor’s good mood by poking fun, even accidentally.

Their parents noticed Connor’s demeanor, too. Over dinner, their mother tried to casually bring it up.

“So, Connor. Did anything happen today at school?” Connor didn’t even look up from his plate. He shrugged.

“Not really. I didn’t get detention or anything.” Zoe saw their mom huff quietly through her nose and hid her smile behind a drink from her glass. Cynthia valiantly tried again.

“Did anything good happen?” Connor looked up at her. He narrowed his eyes at her intense stare.

“Why?” he asked quietly, defensively.

“You seem happy. I thought something good might’ve happened.” Connor glared down at his plate. He shoved some food around with his fork angrily. Cynthia suddenly drew in a gasp.

“Where did you get that hat?” Connor tensed, blushing lightly. His shoulders starting inching up toward his ears.

“My friend made it for me. It’s whatever.” Connor was trying to seem nonchalant, but his lips twitched in a way that meant he was trying not to smile. Their mom’s wide smile could’ve powered the whole block.

“Oh, Connor, that’s great! That was very nice of them, whoever it was!” She leaned forward, leaning her folded hands on the table. “Do you like it?” Connor did smile at that, just barely. He looked down at where he was picking at the tablecloth.

“Yeah. Yeah, I do.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared keeps knitting and some things are realized on both sides. :3c

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hhhh theres gonna b three chapters now bc this ran away from me fjsdnlkfjds enjoy!! its v gay n pine-y

Jared _loved_ knitting. He could do it wherever he went, with little focus required. It kept his hands busy when he watched TV, so he wasn’t picking at his skin and biting his hands anymore. And the pure pride and glee that filled him every time he learned a new stitch or completed a project was unmatched and addicting.

He started knitting constantly. Only a week after Evan had taught him how, Jared had finished seven hats, in addition to Connor’s gift. They sat in a neat little pile on the edge of his desk, stacked in rainbow order. He had also started two scarves, but had set them aside because he didn’t know how to finish them yet.

He went out that weekend and bought a bunch of his own supplies, so he could return Evan’s come Monday. He bought soft yarn in varying colors, and needles of all sizes and types, and an organizational bin to hold it all. The cashier had playfully asked if there was a birthday coming up. Jared had cheerfully responded that everyday was someone’s birthday, and the older woman smiled warmly and read him his total.

Jared beamed. He was headed to Evan’s after school on Tuesday to learn how to read a pattern. On Wednesday, he slid another new beanie across the table to Connor in study hall. He smiled smugly, radiating pride. Connor flushed and smiled back, gently placing the hat in his bag. Close to the end of the period, he leaned close to Connor to whisper conspiratorially,

“What’s your favorite animal?” Connor gave him a confused look from the corner of his eye and shrugged.

“Probably like a cat or something? I don’t know.” Jared screwed up his face. He leaned impossibly closer, really encroaching on Connor’s personal space. Connor resisted the urge to lean closer.

“You can do better than that, Murphy. Come on now.” Connor squinted in disbelief. He stared at Jared, who stared back. After a minute he sighed.

“Probably giraffes.” Jared smiled wide, his tongue poking out. He drummed his hands against the tabletop briefly.

“Seriously? That’s adorable, holy shit.” Connor blushed lightly, raising a hand to his cheek.

“Fuck off. Why do you even want to know?” He shifted in his seat, so he was facing Jared fully. His hand was idly doodling on his worksheet to make it seem like he was doing work. Jared shrugged, trying to feign nonchalance.

“Just curious.” He answered too quickly. Connor squinted at him again, but Jared cut him off before he could pry. “Can you come over Saturday? I need help with my English essay.”

They made plans for the rest of study hall. When the dismissal bell rang, Jared was out the door like a shot. He offered a quick goodbye over his shoulder and disappeared into the crowd. Connor stayed in his seat until the classroom was mostly empty. Then he sighed deeply and slumped in his chair. At least he’d see Jared on Saturday. He reluctantly gathered his things and went to his next class.

 

Connor stood awkwardly on Jared’s porch. He was really early for their study meeting, after having rushed out of the house as soon as Cynthia left for her book club. He tapped his foot against the welcome mat rhythmically and squeezed the strap of his messenger bag. A sudden wind sent a violent shiver through him. He raised a hand to knock on the door, right as it swung open. Jared stared at him with wide eyes.

“Oh. Shit, hi.” He shifted, using one arm to try and cover his Kermit the Frog shirt.

“Uh, hi,” Connor murmured, his eyes flicking down briefly. He cleared his throat. “Nice shirt.” He smirked at Jared’s affronted expression.

“Fuck you! Come inside, or whatever, asshole.” Connor squeezed past Jared into the house, holding his breath when they got too close. He held his hands up innocently.

“It wasn’t a judgment. I like The Muppets.”

“I should let you stay outside and freeze, you bitch,” Jared grumbled. He wrapped his arms around himself and jogged to the mailbox. Connor leaned against the open door, discreetly watching him thumb through the mail, with lidded eyes. Jared was wearing neon pink socks. Connor chuckled to himself as Jared darted back into the house.

“Shit! Dios mío, holy fuck, it’s freezing.” Connor laughed.

“Perfect for you, then,” he called, as he wandered into the living room. He glanced at the mantle, overflowing with pictures of probably a dozen different children at various ages. Jared followed shortly after, now wearing a sweatshirt from a college Connor didn’t recognize. He was smirking mischievously.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Connor rolled his eyes. He rested a hand over his heart and dramatically threw his head back.

“Cold-hearted.” Jared snorted.

“Is that why you came to see me three hours early?” He held up three fingers as he said it. Connor smiled.

“Nah, that’s unrelated.”

“Mm-hm. Whatever you say, Connie.” Connor flushed. Every time Jared called him that stupid nickname his chest felt warm and tight, like when Jared had given him the first beanie. He wasn’t prepared to find out what that meant just yet. He threw his arms wide and gestured vaguely.

“Where’re we doin’ this shit?” Jared rolled his eyes, still smiling. He waved for Connor to follow him.

“We’ll go up to my room.”

 

They weren’t even halfway through the outline when Jared threw his hands up in exasperation.

“I don’t know why they didn’t have us read this shit sophomore year like everyone else,” he whined, flopping back against his pillows. “Then I could’ve copied like I usually do.”

“It’s not that bad, you big baby.” Connor was sitting cross-legged at the foot of Jared’s bed. He nudged Jared’s foot with his elbow and went back to sifting through his impossible to read notes.

“It kind of is. She rejected my topic on how gay Nick is for Gatsby.” Connor scoffed.

“Fuck her. That would make a baller essay.”

“Right?! She suggested I do an analysis on Jay’s feelings for fuckin’… what’s-her-name instead. Like, what kind of homophobia?” Jared laughed, gesturing wildly.

“Well, that would be why I’m having so much trouble helping you. ‘Love is a sacrament that should be taken kneeling,’ am I right?” Jared stared at him. Connor cleared his throat, looking away to hide his embarrassed flush. “It’s an Oscar Wilde quote, sorry.”

“About what? Sucking dick?”

“Yeah, actually.” An awkward silence fell over them. Jared was staring at him again. Connor had never felt so awkward after a dick joke. He shifted his weight uncomfortably. Jared squinted at him.

“Did you just come out to me with a classic lit quote?”

“… Yes?”

“Connor Murphy, I love you.” Connor’s heart stopped. He was pretty sure he stopped breathing. Jared was chuckling to himself, shaking his head slightly as he flipped through the book. Connor’s throat felt dry. He turned to stare at the stack of hats on Jared’s desk.

“Why did you want to know what my favorite animal was?” he asked suddenly, remembering their earlier conversation. Jared looked up, startled. Connor kept staring at the bright hats, silently reciting the order of the rainbow. He felt Jared shift on the mattress, then get up completely.

“I-” he hesitated. Connor could hear some shuffling behind him. He refused to look until he saw Jared come up beside him, holding something. “I needed inspiration, I guess,” Jared confessed quietly. Connor turned and saw Jared self-consciously twirling the tail of a knitted giraffe. His breath caught in his throat again.

“That’s-” he choked, coughing once. “That’s really good, Jared.” Jared ducked his head, a blush visibly crawling up his face.

“It’s for you,” he whispered, barely audible.

“Oh.” Connor delicately took the stuffed toy and ran a hand over its short yarn mane. Jared coughed awkwardly, scrambling back to his seat on the bed. He visibly transitioned to a less vulnerable façade.

“It was a bitch to make, actually, so this is a one-time deal.” He held up a finger in mock warning. “Don’t expect anything else from me. I’ve filled my niceness quota for this month.” Connor chuckled.

“I see how it is. You’re using me to get brownie points.” He gladly played along. He didn’t want to deal with whatever that was either.

“You found me out baby.” Jared shot him a pair of fingerguns. Connor flushed again with a scowl. “Now let’s write this bullshit. I really don’t want to fail English.”

 

Jared was horrible at reading his own emotions. He reacted to the situations around him and then moved on. He didn’t feel the need to analyze _why_ he felt the way he did; he just felt and that was that. When he got more friends than just Evan, they made him question his feelings and he hated it. Sometimes he would spend whole nights lying awake, agonizing over the pit in his stomach when he saw Evan talk to Alana by himself, or the icy stabbing in his chest when Connor smiled at anyone.

Connor. Connor was becoming increasingly frustrating for Jared to think about. He loved spending time with Connor, and he tried to see him as often as possible-that’s what friends did right? He had been spending more time with Evan too. But, seeing Evan smile at that girl in Spanish didn’t make Jared’s blood run cold. Every time Jared thought about Connor, his chest felt warm, close to bursting. He just wasn’t sure with what.

Jared huffed. He was trying to finish his latest present for Connor-a thick blanket in the colors of the trans flag-but he kept getting distracted by his thoughts. He set his needles in his lap and flexed his fingers. The TV was tuned to a Spanish network, playing an overdramatic telenovela. Jared muted the TV and sighed quietly.

He looked up at the ceiling, listening to the muffled sounds of his siblings playing upstairs in their rooms. His phone vibrated on the coffee table in front of him. Checking it showed a text from ‘ _Connoe_.’ Jared smiled. He welcomed the distraction.

 

He presented the blanket, two scarves, and a shawl to Connor in the following months. Connor had complained that it was too hot outside for them, but he was smiling and blushing. Jared had smiled right back, bragging about his wisdom and forethought. Evan had teased Jared relentlessly after each presentation. Zoe and Alana joined in when they could. Jared didn’t know what the meaningful looks they kept shooting each other meant.

 

After graduation, Connor practically lived with Evan. He spent every day that he could out of the house, usually hanging out with Evan and Jared. Alana left right away for an internship, saying a tearful goodbye wrapped in the cardigan Jared gave her at their graduation after-party. Zoe bounced between groups-sometimes spending time with them, sometimes her jazz band friends, sometimes her camp friends.

 

One particularly hot day in July, Connor decided to abandon his plan to go to the bookstore and collapsed on Evan’s couch. Jared was already camped on the loveseat, knitting spread out on his lap. Connor watched him curiously for a while, his chin propped on his folded arms on the arm of the couch.

“How can you stand that?” he asked, breaking the comfortable silence. Jared looked up, his hands still moving. He blinked and looked back down at his work.

“Stand what?”

“Having all that _fluff_ on you. Aren’t you dying?” Jared snorted.

“Most of us don’t try to walk six miles in ninety degree weather wearing long sleeves, Connie.” Connor rolled onto his back, groaning. He threw his hands in the arm and watched his black nails contrast against Evan’s pale ceiling.

“This is not about my shortcomings as a person.” Jared laughed again. He looked up at Connor, who let his arms drop to cover his face. He watched the calculated rise and fall of Connor’s chest as he breathed deeply. Jared rested his hands in his lap and thought about Connor.

Connor was getting so much better; he _wanted_ to be better. He loved making gifts for Connor. He loved the way Connor smiled at him, when he gave him each new present. He never wanted Connor to stop smiling at him like that.

Jared made a sound like he’d just been punched in the stomach. Connor lifted his arms and raised a brow in question.

“Are you okay?” Jared shook his head rapidly before scoffing.

“Of course. When am I not?” Jared was panicking slightly, his hands shaky. He shoved his project into the tote bag he had started carrying with him. “I just remembered something important I gotta do, college shit, you know. I have to go, right now, sorry.” Connor watched in stunned silence as Jared fled. He didn’t move until the front door banged shut. Evan wandered out of his room as Connor sat up.

“Where’s Jared?” Connor just shrugged, frowning.

 

Jared spent a long time that night staring at his ceiling, hands fisted in his sheets. The next week he started another present for Connor.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> conflict and confrontation???? idk her

“That’s a horrible idea.” Alana’s voice came through the computer speaker slightly distorted. Her pixelated face was screwed up in exasperation. Zoe stared at the neatly organized corkboard visible behind her, trying to read some of the papers.

“It’s not a _horrible_ idea,” Evan protested weakly. “Just, maybe, maybe not a great one, either.” He was perched on the edge of Zoe’s bed, posture stiff. He’d never been in Zoe’s room before. He had only been in the Murphy’s house a handful of times. Zoe scoffed.

“Well, I don’t see you two giving any suggestions,” she said. Evan perked up from where he was picking at a thread on his khakis.

“You’re taking suggestions?” he asked innocently. Zoe flipped him off, smiling playfully. Alana chuckled to herself.

“You two are ridiculous.”

“Hey, at least we’re trying to be productive,” Zoe teased. Alana squawked in offense. She stuttered over a list of the things she’d finished _just this week, Zoe_ , while Evan and Zoe laughed. “I’m kidding, Lonnie.” She resituated herself in her computer chair and looked at Alana seriously. “But we do need to do something about Connor and Jared.” Alana pursed her lips in thought. She glanced at her phone, thinking of all the frantic texts she’d gotten from Connor and Jared in the last two months.

“I don’t think we do,” she murmured with a small smile. She listened to Evan and Zoe scheme for another 45 minutes before she cut them off. Evan had some genuinely good ideas they could use if her intuition turned out to be wrong. “I really think we should let them figure it out for themselves. Give them another week, at the minimum.” Zoe opened her mouth to argue and Alana put on her best pleading face. “Please? For me?” Zoe pouted.

“You know I can’t say no to that, you little shit.” Alana grinned impishly.

“W-wow, I can’t believe both of-both Murphy siblings are whipped.” Zoe swatted Evan’s arm. He tried to cover his laughter with a hand. Alana smiled, throwing one last glance at her phone. She nodded to herself. They would figure it out.

 

After a full week had gone by after Jared ran from Evan’s house like it was on fire, Connor hadn’t seen Jared a single time. Every time he messaged or called, Jared was “super busy” or “had plans already, sorry.” He tried not to be hurt-it’s not like he’d done anything. But he was starting to get worried after another three days went by with complete radio silence from Jared. He stopped answering Connor’s messages, and then he stopped answering _Evan’s_ messages. Which is how Connor found himself standing on Jared’s front porch again.

Connor shoved his clenched fists into the pocket of his hoodie after ringing the doorbell. He glanced at the street as a car rolled by. The door cracked open to reveal one of Jared’s younger siblings-maybe middle school age-pouting.

“Who’re you?”

“I’m here to see Jared.” The kid wrinkled their nose but opened the door wider anyway.

“That’s not an answer,” he heard them mumble as he crossed the threshold. The door clicked shut and he heard one of Jared’s mom interrogating the kid as they wandered back toward the kitchen. Connor propped one foot on the bottom step.

“Hi, Mrs. Kleinman,” he called into the house.

“Oh, hello, Connor! It’s been a while since we’ve seen you-” Connor couldn’t hear the rest of what she said as he ascended the staircase. It took him a second to remember the layout of the second floor. He took a deep breath before he approached Jared’s room.

The door was slightly open and Connor could hear soft music coming from inside. He rapped his knuckles against the wood as he pushed the door open. Jared’s head snapped up to look at him when the door creaked. He was sitting in a pile of blankets, knitting in his lap. Connor almost smiled.

“Hey,” he said, waving weakly.

“Hey.” Jared’s tone was controlled. His face was completely blank. They sat in uncomfortable silence, a Spanish ballad quietly lilting out of the speakers. Jared’s hands were clenched tightly around his knitting needles, knuckles slowly turning white. Connor sighed loudly.

“Have you been avoiding me?” It came out a lot harsher than he intended. Jared flinched slightly. Connor winced. He took a deep breath and held it, letting it out slowly. “Did I do something?” he asked in a gentler tone. Jared didn’t answer. He stared intensely at a spot on the wall behind Connor’s shoulder. Connor waited. He crossed the room and sat at the foot of Jared’s bed, wringing his hands in his lap.

“What could you have possibly done?” Jared’s tone was biting, defensive-asking for a fight. Connor tensed.

“I don’t know, but I was the last person to see you before you went AWOL on us. I figured I probably fucked something up.” Jared sneered.

“Oh, don’t give me that shit, Murphy.” Connor squeezed his eyes shut. He took another deep breath and dug his nails into his thighs.

“I didn’t come here to fight with you,” he said evenly.

“Then why did you?” Jared raised an eyebrow as a challenge. He released his knitting to cross his arms across his chest. He curled into himself a little, glaring at the carpet on the other side of the bed.

“I was worried about you, you asshole!” Connor snapped. “You suddenly drop off the face of the planet, what was I supposed to think happened to you?” Jared scrunched up his face. Connor thought for a split-second that he was about to cry. Then he looked up sharply, right into Connor’s eyes.

“You said awhile ago that you wanted one of those pride flag shirts, right?” Connor physically reeled back in shock.

“What?” Jared scrambled out of his bed, a few blankets falling uselessly to the floor. He crossed to his closet and started rummaging through it. Connor turned to watch him. Jared’s boxers were decorated with a seashell pattern. Connor snorted quietly.

“You’re ridiculous, you know that?” he said. There was no heat behind it. Connor leaned back on his hands as Jared shouted excitedly. Connor sputtered as something soft and colorful hit him in the side of the head and fell to his lap. He glared at Jared, who was looking at the floor again, picking at his bracelet.

Connor carefully unfolded the thing and sucked in a breath. It was a rainbow sweatshirt, at least two sizes two big for him. Connor ran his hands over the material. He rubbed the stitches between his fingers and turned the fabric over in his lap. A tiny heart was knit into the bottom corner. Connor’s throat felt tight. Jared slumped back into his seat.

“You-” Connor hesitated. He didn’t know what to say. He ran his thumb over the heart gently.

“I, uh. I’ve been making that. That’s why I’ve been weird. Lately, anyway.” A beat. The air was heavy and still. A cheesy love song floated out of the speakers.

Connor lunged at Jared, capturing his lips in a messy kiss. He cupped Jared’s cheeks with both hands, kissing him slowly and reverently. Jared fisted one hand in the front of Connor’s hoodie. Jared pulled away first, just enough to bury his face in Connor’s neck.

“M’sorry,” he mumbled. Connor wrapped him in a hug, threw his head back, and laughed. His shoulders shook and his cheeks hurt. Connor could feel Jared smile against his neck. He leaned back a little, his arms still looped around Jared’s neck.

“I had like, a whole speech,” Jared said. “I was gonna woo you with my heartfelt words and devilish charm.” Connor snorted. He pecked Jared on the lips.

“You could’ve just, like. Answered my texts.” He ran a hand through Jared’s hair. Jared blushed, his cheeks and nose a blotchy red. He used his free hand to lace his fingers with Connor’s. He squeezed gently, three times.

“Fuck you.” He squeezed Connor’s hand again, three times. Connor squeezed back.

“You were gonna chicken out on me, weren’t you, Kleinman?” Jared snorted, using his other hand to play with Connor’s hair.

“Little bit. You can be pretty intimidating, y’know that?” He leaned up and kissed Connor. He kissed gently, but passionately, as though Connor could disappear at any second. Connor chased his lips when he pulled away. Jared smirked, and started peppering Connor’s face with tiny kisses.

“Fuck you,” Connor said with a chuckle.

 

They sat for hours in Jared’s room, talking and kissing and laughing. After Connor went home for the night, with a promise to come back in the morning, Alana’s phone lit up with two series of excited text messages. She smiled, just a tiny bit smug.


End file.
